October 4, 2011


Now WTF is DWF supposed to mean? Is it callous or maybe frantic? Is it from here or justly kosher? Is it seriously dapper or mostly knackered? If it's internet speak I give you the right to send it on right now.
Yet, I assure you it is entirely innocent. And merely merrily refers to the concept of Driving While Foreign. Yes, there you have it! Innocent, funny, entertaining even. But always rife with strife.
"If you can drive in this one street in Hyderabad, you can drive anywhere" said, yes blazing, mouth set a-laughing in that sparkling way that makes you think you would enjoy being chewed up and swallowed whole by that magnificent force of life. Of course no man can take such a sentence in blind faith, unless having been to said street in Hyderabad, whence it wouldn't really be blind faith anymore. But then I do, because I take it all like disciples would.
Be that Hyderabadian street of death what it may, I do have one DWF question for all you good folks out there: Why is it that Americans, with their inborn sense of individuality, with their instilled by their mother's formula need for competition and placement, with their inconsequential understanding of community and sharing can not accept that some people drive faster than others? And why is it that all those lilly-livered, bleeding-heart democrats on the verge to socialism pinkos in the EU are perfectly happy with getting out of the way of every crazed AMG (god help me, its another Acronym Barf) driver about to break the sound barrier?
Why do Americans with their hatred of public, shared transportation enforce exactly its rigidity on the drivers of their freeways? While in the EU, where we all are happy to walk in lockstep, everyone is happy to let people go as fast as they please. The Americans could all sit in buses for all the difference their driving makes while the Europeans really need to get rid of their trams. They obviously need to be overtaking each other, constantly.
Often, when overtaking, I see looks of complete disgust in my rear view mirror onto the roads of the US of A. And often I can see blank anger in the faces of Europeans that are not being allowed to pass. Shouldn't this be the other way around? Shouldn't the pinko commies stand in line, ride in unison and get there exactly at the same time, all of them, always? And shouldn't the revolver totin', chutzpa owning and freedom distributing Gringos just run rampant on their streets? Because screw regulation. Why is it that Americans would rather all go 60 in the left lane? And why are brow-beaten, yoke-heaving, soma-ingesting Europeans so happy to let the dirty capitalist in his 150k car burn down the top layer of your tax payer financed Autobahn?
Well, I don't know the answer, but maybe you can tell me. Maybe its got to do with social freedom vs. economic freedom. Or maybe its political freedom vs. freedom from strife? Or maybe drivers are crazy no matter where you go, and nowhere more so then in Hyderabad.

April 17, 2011

Steal this Greenhouse

Here are two books that you should never read at the same time, unless you have your pitchfork parked next to your nightstand and you know your Congress WoMan's address. Of course most of us rather reach for their Smart Phone before even getting out of bed rather than an instrument of revolution and shitshoveling. So that you may not have to waste your precious status update time slot, I hope it pleases you for me to share why you should just keep on doing just that.

Your outrage at the end of the world is better spent when the world is actually ending and no more smarty panz phones are around to inform the hundred's of our closest friends of the impending doom. Of course that means that all those amazing FB driven revolutions in the middle east will sizzle in an electronic wasteland. Shame that, great while it lasted. But democrazy only gets dropped on your head like cluster bombs if you got oil. And so I urge you to keep on telling me how your breakfast bagel tasted.

Griftopia, aptly named, the only thing missing in the title is "Fucking (Griftopia)", just to prepare the reader for liberal cuss word sprinkling. If someone would write a tome to counter-match Atlas Shrugged, they should start by reading this. I have imbibed a couple of reads about the recent financial implosion but this one takes the cake, which we will all soon be told to eat.
As a summary: Rich bastards get richer, implode the financial system, get money from poor people to save their crazy schemes for world domination, funnel those monies to offshore tax free profit centers, and leave poor people to pay back the resulting debt amidst a plethora of tough choices supported by the biggest presidential Uncle Tom in the history of class warfare.

The Flooded Earth, also aptly named, does not need a fucking title improvement. If people still read books in 100 years, they will take this one and beat themselves over the head with it. Or burn it on your gravestone (if burning of fossil fuels isn't so completely outlawed to prevent even this small symbolic gesture).
As a summary: Humanity keeps up its insatiable desire for stuff and fucking and dies under a mountain of itself and stuff. Direct cause of death: rising seas that swallow up not only our fairest cities but also inundate our best agricultural lands with salt. You think this is farfetched sci-fi opera stuff? Over 50 % of humanity lives in cities, and how many of these are on the ocean? How much does water have to rise for Florida and Holland and Bangladesh to be under water? How would you move a city? How long before the greatest fruit and vegetable garden in the history of the world is under salt water? Did you like looking at New Orleans after Katrina?

What do these two sweet dream inducing bed time reads have to do with each other: Rich people blow one financial bubble after the other, create a system of resource distribution that is in their favor and in that of acquiring ever more stuff. Poor people pay for this over and over again, until all the land is used up, all the rivers are swollen, the fish are gone, the ocean is dead, and once fertile land is under salt water. At which point rich people evacuate in their Hummers to their Mountain Retreats that they paid for with the tax money that rescued their behinds during the last financial meltdown, and debate how foolish all these poor people were not to prepare properly for this very obvious end of the world scenario, which could have been averted were it not for poor people's basic stupidity.

MIA - Sorry!

To all my now none-existent readers. I am sorry I have been offline for some time. My only excuse is that I have been dating a libertarian. You would think that the added brain confusion arising from having to ignore basic dissonances of worldview would actually lead to increased output. However, I am afraid romantic entanglements of any kind lead to only one kind of increased output, other than the obvious biological kind: Cheesy, completely unreadable poems. Cheese basically drips of the bottom of the page of whatever I have been writing this past year. Unpublishable, of course. And torturous to such an extent as to make consumption an impossibility. Worse than the dude with the impressive nose, I tell you.

If I may reassure you. I have been cured. The cobwebs of my addled brain have been cleared. Interesting ganglia have been added. Conflicts of consciousness conform not to cantankerous calamities, but rather remain reduced to a cold fusion boil, feeding the furnace of my fanaticism. I wake up to world that rapidly approaches various Rubicons of complete and utter destruction.

So let me follow up with my next literary burp. No question it will be bad writing, unpracticed allegories, toothless alligators. But! There will be passion. Because if you are not outraged, you are not paying attention.