Dr ÜB just gave me a brilliant IDEA to solve all the problems we currently face in this world. Every human will donate 1 dollar. That will put together about 6-7 Billion. The way the value of my house has been dropping because Palin's Joe Sixpack signed an ARM and Paulson made 600 Million of his dumb behind it should be easy to find a cheap piece of land. We buy this land with the donation and park all the ignorant , foreign-hating, greed-promoting, money-stealing, lie-telling, religion-loving, teenpregnancy-having, dinosaur-with-human-living, environment-polluting people there. Where they can then continue their merry dance of subprime intelligence without bothering us the hardworking, honest, tolerant, progressive, green paragons of humanity. We can then live in peace and enjoy the fruits of our labor, without having to subsidize and bail the dumbasses out every 10 years.
Here is my bankaccount # *&%@^$^$ (ok, you didnt really think I was going to post it here). We just gave Henry "the money shredding machine" Paulson 700 Billion. Whats another 7 Billion for a truly good cause? You trust me, dont you?!?
Showing posts with label redneck. Show all posts
Showing posts with label redneck. Show all posts
October 4, 2008
May 23, 2008
May 16, 2008
the population bomb
My boy Yukes in his blog against the human right of vampiring our sweet little planet points out that there are just too many people on it. I agree, although it makes me uncomfortably fatalistic to do so. I mean, once you agree that there are too many people what is the next logical step that either we or nature will need to take?
For this reason I want to give a shout-out to The Population Bomb. Hip Hip Hurrah! The Bomb has finally exploded in our none-believing (or willfully stupid) faces. The Bomb reminds me of a war relic from WWII. It dropped, never exploded, in a weirdly Freudian manner proceeded to bury itself in our fertile moist earth, was subsequently forgotten, later stumbled upon by farmers, and finally, while being ridiculed for its outdated mechanism, decided to ram its message so far up our asses that to call it an enema of epic proportions would be a, well, epic misunderstatement (this last malapropism is for you W). The Bomb will flush our shitty humanity down the toilet of the universe.
As recently as 2003 The Intercollegiate Studies Institute (all three of these words are individually and taken together oxymoronic in regards to this hive-mind) rated it the twelfth worst and harmful book EVER published. Without wanting to digress too much, this list makes nice bed time reading for your normal (IQ higher than 72) mind. What should be on it instead of their choices are books such as Mein Kampf and the Bible.
I want to ask a couple of questions: Members of the ISI, when you go to your local Wall Mart, do you throw a hard cover edition of the Population Bomb at each other while fighting over the last packet of, as you think, over-priced rice? Do you stand at your local gas station and take the name of your stupid lord in vain when cussing out your silly little hive-mind because you voted for your republican soulmate W, who after all, made oil four times as expensive as it was when a lily-livered, bleeding heart, blowjob-enjoying liberal was in the White House? Will you wonder why you can’t afford your god-damn cooling bill for your stupid, none-insulated, redneck shack anymore, now that the masses of colored people on this globe use up your precious energy before you can steal it out from underneath them? Are you outraged that the multitudes blame you for this and say “I told you, when you took our condoms away, that your bloody abstinence crap DOES NOT WORK! Now we got AIDS, can’t afford food for our 15 children anymore, and to add insult to injury you made Kyoto a joke“? When you cry over another one of your stupid proselytizing sisters getting raped and murdered in Africa or Afghanistan do you remember that you are the only country in the world that voted AGAINST the Small Arms Treaty of 2007? Abstaining wasn’t good enough for you. Do I need to list the horrific regimes that did not take this step alongside you? Did you really need to make it official that you finally realized that nature wasn’t killing off the condom-less multitudes fast enough, so you wanted to lend it a gracious, christian, helping hand?
Do not be outraged that I am lay all of this at your doorstep. Do consider that your right-wing, fanatic religionist, irreparably fascist ass voted EN BLOC for the current lame-duck administration, which is driving all of these policies with your whole hearted prayerful approval. TWICE!
Where was I? Oh yeah, conservatives, republicans, believers, whatever you want to call yourself: You are always wrong! History makes a joke out of you. The other country in which books like the ones on your list are forbidden is Iran. Look at the past 200 years in the USA. You liked slavery, you liked segregation, you like the A-Bomb, you like guns, you like greed. All of which have been proven wrong and are also mentioned in passing, so to speak, in your curse-them-to-god seven deadly sins and dumb commandments. And even though you put a guilt trip the size of a super kancho on the rest of humanity you keep acting against your own morals, against your spurious, so-called christian values (What?! Do you make a living using oxymoronic names?) that you expound on in your vacuous publications, with which you seek to cover the real truth of your sad existence: That you are the bane of humanity. That you hate knowledge. That you hate sharing this planet with all peoples. The only bomb you ever disliked was The Population Bomb. And thankfully that one has been airmailed back to you, compound interest included. I only wish that my liberal behind could just this once be as wrong as you are on a daily basis. Then we could all survive this mess you have unloaded on us.
For this reason I want to give a shout-out to The Population Bomb. Hip Hip Hurrah! The Bomb has finally exploded in our none-believing (or willfully stupid) faces. The Bomb reminds me of a war relic from WWII. It dropped, never exploded, in a weirdly Freudian manner proceeded to bury itself in our fertile moist earth, was subsequently forgotten, later stumbled upon by farmers, and finally, while being ridiculed for its outdated mechanism, decided to ram its message so far up our asses that to call it an enema of epic proportions would be a, well, epic misunderstatement (this last malapropism is for you W). The Bomb will flush our shitty humanity down the toilet of the universe.
As recently as 2003 The Intercollegiate Studies Institute (all three of these words are individually and taken together oxymoronic in regards to this hive-mind) rated it the twelfth worst and harmful book EVER published. Without wanting to digress too much, this list makes nice bed time reading for your normal (IQ higher than 72) mind. What should be on it instead of their choices are books such as Mein Kampf and the Bible.
I want to ask a couple of questions: Members of the ISI, when you go to your local Wall Mart, do you throw a hard cover edition of the Population Bomb at each other while fighting over the last packet of, as you think, over-priced rice? Do you stand at your local gas station and take the name of your stupid lord in vain when cussing out your silly little hive-mind because you voted for your republican soulmate W, who after all, made oil four times as expensive as it was when a lily-livered, bleeding heart, blowjob-enjoying liberal was in the White House? Will you wonder why you can’t afford your god-damn cooling bill for your stupid, none-insulated, redneck shack anymore, now that the masses of colored people on this globe use up your precious energy before you can steal it out from underneath them? Are you outraged that the multitudes blame you for this and say “I told you, when you took our condoms away, that your bloody abstinence crap DOES NOT WORK! Now we got AIDS, can’t afford food for our 15 children anymore, and to add insult to injury you made Kyoto a joke“? When you cry over another one of your stupid proselytizing sisters getting raped and murdered in Africa or Afghanistan do you remember that you are the only country in the world that voted AGAINST the Small Arms Treaty of 2007? Abstaining wasn’t good enough for you. Do I need to list the horrific regimes that did not take this step alongside you? Did you really need to make it official that you finally realized that nature wasn’t killing off the condom-less multitudes fast enough, so you wanted to lend it a gracious, christian, helping hand?
Do not be outraged that I am lay all of this at your doorstep. Do consider that your right-wing, fanatic religionist, irreparably fascist ass voted EN BLOC for the current lame-duck administration, which is driving all of these policies with your whole hearted prayerful approval. TWICE!
Where was I? Oh yeah, conservatives, republicans, believers, whatever you want to call yourself: You are always wrong! History makes a joke out of you. The other country in which books like the ones on your list are forbidden is Iran. Look at the past 200 years in the USA. You liked slavery, you liked segregation, you like the A-Bomb, you like guns, you like greed. All of which have been proven wrong and are also mentioned in passing, so to speak, in your curse-them-to-god seven deadly sins and dumb commandments. And even though you put a guilt trip the size of a super kancho on the rest of humanity you keep acting against your own morals, against your spurious, so-called christian values (What?! Do you make a living using oxymoronic names?) that you expound on in your vacuous publications, with which you seek to cover the real truth of your sad existence: That you are the bane of humanity. That you hate knowledge. That you hate sharing this planet with all peoples. The only bomb you ever disliked was The Population Bomb. And thankfully that one has been airmailed back to you, compound interest included. I only wish that my liberal behind could just this once be as wrong as you are on a daily basis. Then we could all survive this mess you have unloaded on us.
May 6, 2008
aryan mum bitch slap
This is funny:
This is funnier:
Well, what else do you expect:
Apparently too much:
Aryan Mum Bitch Slap:
This is funnier:
Well, what else do you expect:
Apparently too much:
Aryan Mum Bitch Slap:
May 3, 2008
how to spend you economic stimulus check
Today I was imagining what to do with my economic stimulus check. I thought how nice it is that I will be getting back an additional $ 600 that I can spend freely on improving my economic outlook. Of course the smart thing to do would be to put it into a savings account, or even an IRA. But since I figured these are $ 600 less that the government will give to Israel to drop cluster bombs on little Lebanese children or use to launch rockets from ships into central Africa or -insert your favorite terrific sci-fi weaponry horror here - I should do something appropriate to make that initial divestment from governmental irrationality go a little further. I was going to get some compound interest so to speak.
The first thing that came to mind is that I should buy a gun and shoot a redneck. However, my logic-minded room mate Tom (you can’t beat him at this, he teaches LSATs at Kaplan) pointed out, that since I would thereby be joining the class of rednecks I really would not be lowering the total number of rednecks in this country. In fact, I would just be replacing one red neck with another, ergo keeping the numbers even. Additionally, since I would join the rednecks with this action, I would essentially be removing myself from the, what I deem as the normal, as in not inbred gene pool, actually lowering sanity levels, and keeping insanity levels even.
This bothered me; mostly because I already picked out a target. My neighbor whose church music I was forced to listen to one night. The next night, when he was up on his balcony talking to the local security weenie/snitch/despicable piece of horse manure, he followed the church music evening up with blathering about how the right to bear arms (all seven of them) is written in the constitution. He actually said “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.” The security guy answered that he hardly left the house without his flak jacket anymore. Those roadrunners down here really are quite frightening, and you must protect yourself from the constant onslaught of their suicide attacks – against the grill of your car.
You can imagine my sincere disappointment; since logic now dictated a different course of action. So decided to drown my sorrows in Vegas and blow the night away with a bunch of hookers. Just because it is the thing that would piss the gun-toting, church-going, fun-hating, single-mother-producing redneck population off the most.
The first thing that came to mind is that I should buy a gun and shoot a redneck. However, my logic-minded room mate Tom (you can’t beat him at this, he teaches LSATs at Kaplan) pointed out, that since I would thereby be joining the class of rednecks I really would not be lowering the total number of rednecks in this country. In fact, I would just be replacing one red neck with another, ergo keeping the numbers even. Additionally, since I would join the rednecks with this action, I would essentially be removing myself from the, what I deem as the normal, as in not inbred gene pool, actually lowering sanity levels, and keeping insanity levels even.
This bothered me; mostly because I already picked out a target. My neighbor whose church music I was forced to listen to one night. The next night, when he was up on his balcony talking to the local security weenie/snitch/despicable piece of horse manure, he followed the church music evening up with blathering about how the right to bear arms (all seven of them) is written in the constitution. He actually said “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.” The security guy answered that he hardly left the house without his flak jacket anymore. Those roadrunners down here really are quite frightening, and you must protect yourself from the constant onslaught of their suicide attacks – against the grill of your car.
You can imagine my sincere disappointment; since logic now dictated a different course of action. So decided to drown my sorrows in Vegas and blow the night away with a bunch of hookers. Just because it is the thing that would piss the gun-toting, church-going, fun-hating, single-mother-producing redneck population off the most.
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