say it aint so

I am astounded. Labeling me flabbergasted would be an understatement. To tell me that I am phlegmatic in the face of this would be like calling a T-Rex a cuddly lapdog. You could say that I am ticked off. Blogotherapy in full blown action. Here it goes:

Did you know that analog TV is headed for the trash-heap of forgotten technologies? That’s right, like vinyl and landlines (my personal choice) analog TV is out and digital is in. This is great, I think, although except for what Rupert Murdoch tells me, I know little about why analog is suddenly uncool. But what about all those poor hard-working 21 million citizens of the USA who will come home one night (January 1^st 2009) and their TV does not provide them with their games anymore because their antenna waits for a none-existent signal? Not to worry; our free-market loving govnmint will provide them with a voucher that our hard-working compatriots can take to any big boxers (Circuit City Stores Inc., Target Corp., Sears Holdings Corp. and its Kmart outlets and RadioShack Corp. and Wal-Mart's Sam's Club) who will only be too willing to give them the converter box for free. Isn’t it great? You get a converter box for free, except, oh wait, that’s right - I AM PAYING FOR IT!!!

You lazy, no-good, pizza-eating, couch-slouching, soda-gulping waste of space. Get your bloody own box and stop mooching! I don’t ask you to pay for my RAM upgrade or to provide me with a free fiber optics link so that I can download porn faster. I don’t ask you to pay for my new high-performance break pads, or for the fridge with the cool ice maker in the door, and certainly you would laugh at me if I would ask you to hook me up with a wireless router because the wires in my house are just so analog.

This voucher program costs 1.5 billion dollar. And dear Uncle Sam is so sensitive to our entertainment addiction that he goes out of his way (it’s really not that far, the media lobby is just across the road from Constitution Ave, aptly named and also known as the place where they sell your rights for cold hard cash) to get everyone their converter box. Ain't it sweet? I was going to get all mad about how our dear leaders think that it is completely American to supply you with your digital TV enabling devices, but completely un-American to do the same for your health insurance. But then again I am kinda glad because I realize who would be paying for the diabetes treatments of those lazy, no-good, pizza-eating, couch-slouching, soda-gulping space wasters if there would be a universal health care system.

Understanding this makes it alright for me to accept that you will not have health insurance. But it certainly doesn’t make it alright that I have to pay for your converter box so you can watch more mind bogglingly mindless programming brought to you in digital. I think I would nearly prefer to buy cluster bombs for Israel to drop on Lebanon with my Tax Dollars… nearly.

Except that this really motivates me to try out that urban myth of income taxes not being an actual law, what can we learn from this?

• The media lobby is as sneaky as they are powerful. They get you to pay for upgrading their system.
• The media lobby is so incredibly desperate to keep you glued to their product that they will do the above to assure themselves of your continued patronage/addiction.
• The government would hate to have a population that does not watch TV 8 hours a day. Those 21 million antenna viewing bastards might actually get of their fat asses and go for a walk or even, heresy, read a bloody book.
• Because taking away TV from 21 million citizens of the USA is the only reason left that would lead to a revolution in this country.
• TV is American
• Universal Health Coverage is un-American
• The strategy is working