how to spend you economic stimulus check

Today I was imagining what to do with my economic stimulus check. I thought how nice it is that I will be getting back an additional $ 600 that I can spend freely on improving my economic outlook. Of course the smart thing to do would be to put it into a savings account, or even an IRA. But since I figured these are $ 600 less that the government will give to Israel to drop cluster bombs on little Lebanese children or use to launch rockets from ships into central Africa or -insert your favorite terrific sci-fi weaponry horror here - I should do something appropriate to make that initial divestment from governmental irrationality go a little further. I was going to get some compound interest so to speak.

The first thing that came to mind is that I should buy a gun and shoot a redneck. However, my logic-minded room mate Tom (you can’t beat him at this, he teaches LSATs at Kaplan) pointed out, that since I would thereby be joining the class of rednecks I really would not be lowering the total number of rednecks in this country. In fact, I would just be replacing one red neck with another, ergo keeping the numbers even. Additionally, since I would join the rednecks with this action, I would essentially be removing myself from the, what I deem as the normal, as in not inbred gene pool, actually lowering sanity levels, and keeping insanity levels even.

This bothered me; mostly because I already picked out a target. My neighbor whose church music I was forced to listen to one night. The next night, when he was up on his balcony talking to the local security weenie/snitch/despicable piece of horse manure, he followed the church music evening up with blathering about how the right to bear arms (all seven of them) is written in the constitution. He actually said “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.” The security guy answered that he hardly left the house without his flak jacket anymore. Those roadrunners down here really are quite frightening, and you must protect yourself from the constant onslaught of their suicide attacks – against the grill of your car.

You can imagine my sincere disappointment; since logic now dictated a different course of action. So decided to drown my sorrows in Vegas and blow the night away with a bunch of hookers. Just because it is the thing that would piss the gun-toting, church-going, fun-hating, single-mother-producing redneck population off the most.